Humanity 3.0

Macro-Mad is finalizing a deal with 'AH '... the collaborative name recently suggested by American spiritual aficionado, Scoop Nisker, now to apply to all the Gods (Jehovah, Buddha, Krishna, Etceterah. The deal, announced on May 21st, 2011 (the purported day the world was to end) will see Macro-Mad take over all programming aspects of the human race. After over a hundred-thousand years of murder, mayhem plunder and blunder, we've seen it all culminate in the industrial revolution, only to give way to Holocaustian rage, environmental devastation, and a potpourri of misery for the majority of the earth’s people. Recognizing his failure, ‘Ah’ has agreed to hand over all control to Macro-Mad, which manages 99% of everything these days anyway.

According to their spokesman, and CEO Elmer Furd: "the company understands that people are ‘really pissed' and aren’t going to take it anymore!" Not to miss out on an opportunity, Macro-Mad aims to release Humanity 3.0 sometime around the Winter Solstice of 2012.
Elmer Furd
Macro-Mad's CEO Elmer Furd discusses Humanity 3.0 and the future of their Madware Operating System
"Obviously", commented Furd, "Humanity 1.0 (which spanned the dawn of Homo sapiens over 100,000 years ago up unto the industrial revolution) was plagued with many problems, including, of course, far too many plagues. Humanity 2.0... stretching from the mid 19th century to today’s techno-ecological disasters...has admittedly been a virtual disaster. But we here at Macro-Mad are aware of these problems and are confident that our new MADWARE software will address, if not solve, all of them."

Of particular concern and priority will be the relationship between the sexes. Why do men act like men? Why do women act like men? Why do men act like women? Why don’t women act like women? Why do men continue trying to spread their single minded sperm cells years after they have lost all their motility? Why do women publicly support such activity while privately despising it? And, of course, who will be the next American Idol?

Other less popular issues, but of equal concern, will be: Reversing global warming, decontaminating the oceans and waterways of the earth, programs for providing the resources for a population expected to rise to unsustainable proportions, quicker access to sports scores, and a myriad of other ‘upgrades.'

The most controversial aspect of Macro-Mad’s new universal operating system 3.0 will be a mandate forcing everyone, by law, to make themselves available for the upgrade either by hard-wiring themselves to their computers, and smart phones, or using Macro-Mads’s mega-wireless router. Because of the enormity of the effort, downloads will begin starting the summer of 2011, and continue through the winter solstice of 2012.

Once the downloads are complete, installations of Humanity 3.0 will be automated. There will be no notifications to upgrade yourself. You will wake up on January 1st 2013 to a brand new, world-wide operating system that will make biblical projections of ‘the rapture’ (which have proven to be consistently mistaken) look like child’s play. The real rapture will be embedded in various DLL files hidden within the new operating system. Of course, only the ‘worthy’... determined by Macro-Mad's patented moral evaluation software, will be privy to the rhapsodic experience that Humanity 3.0 will offer.

There is no need to line up days before the software is released to receive your copy. This time, Macro-Mad’s Madware will be on your desktop before you even boot yourself up and out of bed!

~Marc Twang

 

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